Stuck in a trap of fear and unhappiness?

However, our financial condition = barely surviving. We reduce everything and only pay for what you need - rent, basic food, electricity, etc. We are completely broke after. We have no way forward unless I get a job that has been very difficult for me because I have anxiety disorders and depression. MedlinePlus MedlinePlus I had a job before, but I left a couple of days later because he could not handle it. I was nervous to go to work, I was scared the whole time I was working because I always think of the worst in my head - What if the mother is kidnapped or injured and no one is around to help her? What if he dies? What if they kick us out of our apartment, with no place to live. MedlinePlus MedlinePlus We have spent a few evacuation orders and were lucky to have a friend give us some money, we're still pays you back for months. I doubt we will lend money again after the time we have been paying. Mom has taken and continues to pay the loans back after almost a year. MedlinePlus MedlinePlus We'll never get out of this situation for rent and purchase. I want to buy what you do not have to live in fear of having a place to call home. I'm always emphasizing this. and even if you get a job, we would be in this situation for years just to get to a payment not mind paying the mortgage. which is not really a mortgage, just bring a lot of money for a down payment. and then I will focus on the time we can pay the mortgage. I do not think I can handle losing a home after all the hard work and stress. How did you come up with the down payment? How long did it take? What kind of work I have to do to buy a house? I'm still working on getting my grade 12 but I'm not a real school, only an online course for grade 10 jobs. (I have 18 years by the way) I do not like to see people walking and they live happy lives, worry about shelter or food. I'm pretending I'm always happy, laughing smile fake, fake ... I'm tired of putting on a show for everyone. MedlinePlus MedlinePlus I have not been diagnosed correctly with disorders.depression anxiety, but I'm 98% sure they do, I have had symptoms since I was 3. We can not afford a therapist (who can barely afford to survive) and no doctor to see a doctor. I do not know how to deal with this. MedlinePlus MedlinePlus there are some days I wish I could give up (do not die, just live a shitty life, easy) and sleep all day and I would be very depressed, and then there are other days when I decide I'm willing to suck up, get 3 seats work and work 18 hours / 7/days/week day. <----- These days are rare ... and jobs are hard to come by here I'd have to get lucky once. MedlinePlus MedlinePlus My mum could be discharged in a couple of months and also we're screwed if you do so. I feel so helpless, caught in a debt trap and fear, I'm screaming, but no one will help me.