I feel like I failed at life and want to die?

I have 20 years and male. MedlinePlus MedlinePlus I feel as if there is nothing for me in life , and I sincerely want to die . MedlinePlus MedlinePlus I have always suffered from social anxiety disorder , and I 've ruined her. I lost my social skills and can not interact with people without over - analyze everything , even online . MedlinePlus MedlinePlus My job is something I 've been burned with the last five years - washing dishes in a restaurant . I applied to many other positions , including jobs working with people hoping to cure my anxiety . I go to job interviews and employers see what a horrible person I am and do not hire me . MedlinePlus MedlinePlus I have an associate's degree and want to go to college , but you can afford . My parents make too much money for me to get enough financial aid but are not helping me at all . Do not want to get a loan from a private lender , because I will not be able to pass a job interview and pay it off when finished. MedlinePlus MedlinePlus At one time I had a motivation to go out and do things , but not anymore. I wanted to die for so long ... I do not think I'll be able to make it through another year like this ... MedlinePlus MedlinePlus When I was a senior in high school , there are things that my stepmother told me made ​​me go out and buy a bottle of antifreeze at 12:30 AM . I would chug in my car , but I did not because I did not want to leave my friends and true mother side of the family . MedlinePlus MedlinePlus I am looking for tips on how I can solve my problems . Please do not tell me to see a doctor or anything like that . MedlinePlus MedlinePlus Thank you.